It's tough work advocating on the issues we are trying to tackle.

In Cambodia there are a number of people and organizations working to address child exploitation and trafficking.

But people often confide in me how lonely they feel. 

Love146 believes strongly that organizations must care for their workers if they want them to care about the issues and for the individual survivors. So we try to help organizations in supporting their own people, not just those they are seeking to serve. 

In the last month, I have facilitated a marriage-enrichment course and women's retreat by a British couple which involved people from 21 organizations, worked with several NGO leaders talking through the very real challenges they face every day and provided pastoral support to a young guy who arrived a few months ago and is settling in to an alien culture. I've discussed with one group how they can protect themselves from being inappropriately approached by "clients" of sex workers, talked with another about developing a Child Protection Policy and enabled one person to get counseling to prevent burn-out. 

This is not an unusual month.

At the same time I am grateful for those who take time to listen to me complain about the challenges I face and how tired I am just before I commit to something else!

I remind myself to be gracious to those who are impatient with me — a trait I know only too well myself!

I was challenged by a colleague that most people here are simply trying to do too much because there is SO MUCH to do but that doing less may actually be more productive in the long run.

Money is not the only commodity that is in short supply here. Working out how to balance time spent with family, friends and work is a perpetual challenge.

I like the 13th Century Prayer of St. Francis:

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love.
Where there is injury, pardon.
Where there is doubt, faith.
Where there is despair, hope.
Where there is darkness, light.
Where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;
to be understood, as to understand; to be loved, as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive.
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.

Boys will be boys, so they say (and by de-fault I suppose girls will be girls!).

Where I live in Cambodia, there is a popular proverb that, 'a girl is like a piece of cloth, if thrown in the dirt then she is soiled for ever compared to a boy who is like a lump of gold, it simply needs washing and it is clean and restored'.

Both of these descriptions can be unhelpful. For the girl, in a fatalistic culture this can mean that there is a hopelessness that she can never be fully restored. She is seen as totally vulnerable and weak, with no agency to restore her life. If she has been raped she may as well become a prostitute. For the boy there is no recognition that abuse can impact him. He should be strong and asking for help would be a sign of weakness. He is seen as totally resilient and self sufficient. As a result there is barely any recognition that sexual abuse of a boy and exploitation even exists (see research papers "I never thought it could happen to boys' and 'What about Boys?'.

But before we point the finger at this alien cultural context and tut tut, 'how they could be so unfair?' let us look at some of of our cultural perspectives and see how that is impacting the way we see the sexual exploitation of boys compared to girls. Consider for a moment the story of sleeping beauty, a girl in the top of a castle, so vulnerable that she can do nothing for herself but wait to be rescued by the knight in shining armour. In comparison is the story of Aladdin, a roguish character who is loved by most all. if we are honest most men rather aspire to this character, free to go wherever he likes and surviving off his wits. He doesn't need anyone and can survive whatever is thrown at him. He is all about resilience and nothing about vulnerability whereas the sleeping beauty is all about vulnerability and nothing about resilience. So the Cambodian proverb may not be so different from what we ourselves believe in our own culture. 

What does this mean when we consider supporting programs working with boys? Well the reality is that it is harder to persuade people that boys really need help. I have spoken to people who really can't see why time and energy should be invested in work with boys. The impression is that, 'They can look after themselves'. Although there are many reports and talk about sexual exploitation of children, they actually mean sexual exploitation of girls. Chab Dai is a network of anti trafficking NGO’s in Cambodia. Of their 52 members, only four currently tackle the sexual exploitation of boys. Most boys who are sexually exploited are in that situation because there are few other choices and need to support their families and pay off debts but the consequences of sexual exploitation for boys are violence, stigma, shame as well as HIV and STIs. When offered an alternative many are quick to take it. To see our own work with boys, visit www.love146.org/prevention/asia/boys. Please help us to help boys move beyond our unhelpful myths.

Some of my friends and colleagues here in the anti trafficking community in Phnom Penh spend our Friday evenings going into the red light areas of the city. We’re looking to talk to men, to understand why they are there, and if possible, offer an alternative conversation to what they may have with patrons and peers in the bars. We meet up to check in before and afterwards for our own protection and accountability. On a recent Friday, we went out on our usual jaunt... Some nights there seem to be a 'theme' when talking to the men in the red light district. This particular night the focus was on how prostitutes were liars and cheaters.

A tall young good looking guy full of energy passed us several times After he passed us the third time in the street (each time we had said hi!) he came back and asked if we were the self proclaimed greeters for that particular street! We laughed but it opened up the conversation. He said that he 'had to leave in a hurry... ' but he still stayed and talked to us for about 45 minutes.

It became apparent very quickly that his heart had been broken by a young prostitute and he was furious. Unlike many men that visit this area, this man knew what was going on. He had got to many of the girls and heard their stories but everything had become filtered through the hate of being jilted.  He had been paying her to be monogamous to him but she had cheated on him and he could only feel the pain and not the reason why she might do it. It illustrated just how much pain can be found in a red light area. Two people desperate for intimacy and love and neither finding it. He was seeing himself as the victim and was angry with us because he felt that we were only seeing the young women as victims. 

But the reality is that in this situation everyone is a victim.  The client is a victim because he believed the lies that pornography taught him that sex = love and love can be bought. The girl is a victim because she was first raped in a brothel by a foreigner when she was 16 years and now sees no other future. Why should she be 'faithful' to him when she herself had been betrayed by men before who hinted at the promise of the possibility of a life free of poverty?  In order to survive she says so many lies she must sometimes wonder what is real anymore. Her family were victims because they felt the only way out of poverty was to allow her to become a prostitute. Cambodia itself is a victim because it is increasingly becoming the focus for sex tourism and as the garment industry shrinks in the global economic recession the local sex industry grows.

As abolitionists, we are seeking to expand our perspective and attune our posture towards perpetrators, exploiters, “good guys and bad guys,” as well as victims. It's obvious to us that women are degraded in these situations, but the uncomfortable truth is that men are degraded as well. We work to break cycles of degradation - this is a holistic approach. When I go out to have these conversations, I choose to treat men with dignity, believing that they can change and themselves show dignity others.

One hundred years ago in Cambodia most families kept together in extended groups. Boys would learn farming from their fathers. Girls would also learn to help out on the farm but would learn child-care from their mothers and quickly become responsible at keeping the house and finances in order. Girls virginity was carefully protected from boys. Although this scenario still exists in some rural areas, Cambodia is becoming more developed and many young people are coming to the cities to seek work. 10-15 years ago Non-Government Organizations seeking to help vulnerable youth provided training but were often not equipping them with skills that would work in the market-place.

Sadly many girls would end up back in the brothels because they were not equipped to survive in the real world. Recently things have changed a lot, more socially responsible businesses are offering good job prospects to hard working youth.

Love146 held a workshop a few weeks ago where training providers and employers discussed their needs with NGO partners so that young men and women who are survivors or at-risk could be better equipped for the workplace.  As a result of this workshop connections have been made and vulnerable young people and those leaving shelters will be more likely to get sustainable employment. We hope to publish the results soon.   

Thank you for your continued support of this work,

Glenn Miles
Love146 Director of Asia Prevention